notes to self
It is close to the end of the year. Having an early January birthday, I also get quite reflective during this time.
What better to reflect, synthesize, digest, integrate than to clean up my NOTES in my laptop.
Yes,…all 2,060 of them to organize in folders in my laptop….
ya’ll this is certainly a trip down memory lane..
Here are some goodies and lessons I’ve learned, rants i’ve kept in my Notes that I’m proud of sharing now, because hey you never know who needs to hear them. I know I needed too again…
Thank you past selves. We’re never starting from Square One. Healing is nonlinear indeed!
Themes: Desire, Finding Truth, Self-Acceptance, Radical Love
2013
“We weren't build to be calm, cool, and collected. If we were, it wouldn't feel so exhausting all the time. Don't be emotion-shamed. Let it out! Be raw, be open, feel all of the feelings”
2014
“what do i want? what am i passionate about? what gets me excited? i feel like its easier to answer the question What don't i want. i don't want to be stagnant. i don't want to work at a desk job. i don't want to be immersed in a culture that doesn't value self-expression. i want to be better, help people, know myself and know that I'm capable each and everyday.”
2015
“Say what you mean and mean what you say. Instead of allowing ourselves permission to be who we truly are, sometimes we opt for the filtered thing to seem appropriate, funny, intellectual. Don't overthink things. If you love someone, say it. If you find someone attractive, admit it. Tuning out that voice inside diminishes your full participation in this game of life. In other words, the truth shall set you free. “
“The value of receptivity- to receive that amount of love without having to skirt away from it”
“The door to my new life is at the other side of my resistance “
2016
“Stop seeking external validation and look within. What you're doing is worthwhile. You being fundamentally who you are gives others permission to be who they are”
“Why I express gratitude is because it helps me digest .”
“Laughter is the involuntary expression of Truth “
“Shorten the reaction time between listening to your desire and doing it.”
“It’s one thing to say you have these values and another to integrate them in your life”
“The root of all human suffering is a lack of connection. How do we use our relationships as a compass for healing, understanding, revealing, and restoring our birthright to connection? “
“The problem is never the problem. The connection is always there. (Hey I want some attention from you) “
2017
“Dear desire,
I want your beast to come out. I want your raw unfiltered communication that takes me out of control and disrupts my patterns. I want the spot of resonance when truth can be heard and received. A clear resonance between intention, intonation and words. I want to call all the things that you don't say- all the withheld hurts, withheld truths, withheld love. I want you, desire, to back me up. To come out and speak at appropriate hearing levels so in the end we all have higher connection.
Desire, help me for the love of all creation, wake up.
And
I love you and accept where you are”
“Desire is the energy and fear is the contractor.”
“Underneath every complaint is a desire”
“Attention + Simplicity + Desire = Connection”
“I need a clear yes or a clear no and both answers are appropriate”
2018
“We live in a noisy world. And to quiet the voices or judgement, the collective noise of “should’s” and “I have to’s” and realize how much being a frequency holder of joy, light, peace, and love is already.
In many ways, winging it.
In the world of the feminine, there is no form. No structure.
It’s your life. You choose what you want to do and do it.
When we realize that we GET to do this, we CHOOSE to do this, infinite opportunities starts opens up and floods us with unfathomable love and joy.
“What do you do?”
I have taken responsibility in claiming ownership of my own awakening, my self, my body, my healing, my evolving, and my commitment to growing consciously.
Because that’s what life is about isn’t it? Growing and expanding in devotion to our own Divine truth. Being the change we want to see.
And it’s a shame that we put all these other things on top of our soul calling...all these layers of conditioning, years of repressed feelings, giving to others before we give to ourselves, guarded hearts and closed dream books, victimhood from patriarchal systems that block our intuition from fully coming forth.
Status, fame, power, money... the egoic mind that cares what other people think and the societal norm of what “being a responsible adult woman” should be...
Ask yourself : What does it mean to be responsible to yourself? What does it take to keep persisting in your own audacious journey?
A lot of fucking courage to pave your own path.
Your ego dying as you learn not to give a fuck about what other people think
Awareness to how your body is feeling and self care to clear your channels and your inner knowing
Asking yourself “is this doubt, fear, insecurity mine?”
Chances are it’s not and you being a clear open empathic channel have been given the wondrous challenge by Source to do the damn work to overcome collective fear and shine as you are.
Thanks for taking this on.
Thanks for paving the way.
Thank you for shining your light in your own shadowy unconscious mind so bright that others in your field feel activated to follow...
You fuckin badass tomb raider pioneer you!! When you look It’s really the best most rewarding job you can do for yourself and for humanity.
So you’re doing it, piece by piece.
Welcome to the expansion into the cosmos
I’m here for pep talks for warriors and cosmic dragon priestesses
2019
'“This is who I am. This is what I love. This is what I want to be in the world and show up’
“What in you is Triggered by your experience of me?”
“the formula is: be who you are, integrate it, and concrete from that space. We are all One. We are all energy moving together in harmony. if you be yourself then you give others permission to be themselves. then they feel safe. then they can surrender to being led. the art of dancing masc/fem”
“You strive to please others, to fit in, and feel accepted. In spite of that, you still don’t feel accepted, and not because others don’t accept you, but because you haven’t accepted yourself as you are.”
2020
“How we think about the world and how we feel about ourselves This is what life is for.
To create Art
And see the world as is
And how we feel about ourselves
As part of one bigger and greater picture
Showcasing art and appreciating the world through our lens and our voices.
Our voices matter”
“It is about absorbing, digesting, applying, embodying your TRUTH”
“You go with whatever the energy is. Where its fresh and alive. You are getting woke to your own conditioning. Creating spaces alive with introspection and inquiry and freedom and safety to authentically share, express, embody, feel through themselves.
Connected to your values, connected to something bigger than myself.
to be in your why, to be in your purpose
Internal alignment, integrity and cohesion and clarity. And you don’t want to move forward if it's about your image and you don’t want to amplify that on a deeper level, because on a deeper level thats not really where you want to come from, it’s not going to feed anyone if it’s coming from that place. But this energy is something as you’re connected to it you can trust it and you can champion your own brand because your brand is in service to a cause
Be it movement or your prayer for the world. You will never be able to be completely apathetic. It’s not your nature. You’ve got dragon/tiger thats ready for more life
Sooner or later, in the cycles, you show up
You love to show up. And show into your next greatest version of yourself
Your cycle looks like no one else’s cycle. You are a unique star in this galaxy
And any comparison will always suck because it will never speak to the truth of who you are
Theres less and less judgement about yourself. And more and more bandwidth and energy to shine your light in areas that matter most to you in your heart. To bring your medicine to places in this world that need your light
The invitation to self generosity
Giving yourself the most generous explanation of how you are and why you are the way you are. Without any need for analysis so muc.h. But just to understand, to see
BE AWAKE TO WHAT MOVES YOU TO ACTION
As you are really patient allowing those energies to come up and release, your deeper palette of your mind becomes clearer and clearer for this real authentic essence to flow through you and become expressed.
You have all the time in the world. We are not here to save the world. And less we come from a hero perceived victim mentality, the more powerful the medicine becomes
The world does not need saving. The world needs more of us in our being.
2021
“We are all in a state of transition. We are shifting paradigms internally and for the collective. Everyone consciously or subconsciously desires to know what their destiny is. Chinese Astrology is one way to go about it, to learn self by learning your own internal nature- elements and animals. Embodiment and expressive arts is another way to truly live it.”
“We can get so caught and focused tunnel vision due to capitalism and meeting these societal expectations. We need to know we are walking our path without obstruction, which is often caused by our selves and our environment.
How will we know we are supported?
Through our gods, stars, animals, elements.
This is a reminder. Keep it simple
You are here to be you.
You are here to be YOU
Understanding your innermost motivations
Acceptance to what is so you have the fullest acceptance to what you are
Knowing what vessel you are
What’s your vehicle? What’s your pace? How much rest do you need? Who you wanna meet on this journey and cocreate with? Are you like the extroverted dragon that seeks transformation externally or like the snake that does it internally through self reflection?
Are you the patient slow step to step militant worker like the Ox slow and steady wins the race or are you like the aggressive ready to launch passionate tiger thats a big sprinter and yet needs 20 hours of rest to restore its energy?
Taking all of that into account will help you with your goals and then figure exactly how to set your environment in a way that will support those goals.
And for you, Capricorn conservative Ox and doing whatever the fck you want Dragon, you have a complex relationship with goals. Creating structure or most importantly creating time for unstructured time for you to master Surrender + Discipline = Flow is your daily practice.
You have everything you need. Don’t get in your own Way.
—-
Well hot damn!!! Looks like I’m at another stage at age 33 where I feel like it’s all starting to all make sense and come together…the interweaving of many disciplines, philosophies, frameworks.
The message rings true each year. Be Yourself. That’s all that matters.
May we all lean into the unfolding of our Truth as we unravel deeper into the Mystery.
Good luck!!!!!!!!!