Capacity
Lately, I’ve been paying curious attention to how deep and wide my capacity is for connection. This means during a conversation where I am holding space to also track my nervous system, my heartbeat, my breath, my physical sensations, my embodied presence, my ability to truly listen and hold attention.
When I notice I start nodding off or checking out or feeling my nervous system amp up, I know I’m close to stretching my bandwith to take in and process anymore information. If I don’t say anything beyond this point, soon enough you’ll be taking at an energetically depleted autopilot zombie robot over capacity who has become oversaturated, tired, distracted, overwhelmed, and dissociated. *robot voice: i cannot compute*
Why even pretend? Nobody got time to waste for less than quality attention.
How do you listen and attune to what it is that you need for an authentic genuine connection that honors each others capacities?
Ask yourself “How is this for me? Does this feel nourishing? Does this feel energetically depleting? Am I about to cross my own boundary if I keep on engaging further?”
Don’t push yourself and acknowledge your capacity changes moment to moment, person to person. Consider factors like food, movement, sleep. Honor where you are at.
Scan your body and notice what physical sensations you have and take inventory of your current state — physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically — in order to become aware of where/what/how support is needed. (Constrictions in throat, tingling sensation in chest, nausea in the stomach, achiness by the temples).
Communicate your needs and boundaries and identify the sensation and not the story. You don’t need to justify for someone’s approval for where you are it.
Some ways to communicate within a conversation:
“Dude, I’m excited to catch up. Just warning you, I’m hangry AF and have low capacity to hold space. Can we talk after we eat?”
“Dude, my capacity to receive your love, attention, and affection right now is nearing full. I notice that I’m starting to get a bit uncomfortable and I need you to slow down.”
“Dude, I can’t hear you anymore. I’m over capacity. I need some space.”
Questions to consider:
How do you know when you are at capacity or near? Or do you only notice when you are past your limit? What are some ways you identify your capacity and how do you communicate it?